Heaven Inc.

As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking how close I was yesterday to cutting open my eyebrow or losing my two front teeth, thanks to the wide leg pants with cuffs and my pointy shoes. Having been raised as a Catholic in a devout Catholic environment, I tend to believe in the premise of guardian angels. Though I am now a self-proclaimed Agnostic, my Catholic background still creeps up every now and again. And this morning it crept up on me and (believe it or not) it made me rather grateful that someone up there was looking at me.

Then it got me thinking further (obviously the drive to work was rather boring). How many people are there on Earth? 6 billion people, thereabout? So God, if He does exist, is responsible for the well being of 6 billion people, regardless of religion because, if God judges people through what they believe in, then He is not the kind of God we should worship. Anyway, ok, 6 billion people. That’s a lot of people. So I’m sure He has assistants, to help Him look after these 6 billion people. Say, for easy classifications, He divides his assistans and assigned them based on people’s birthdays. So there’ll be some Angel or Saint assigned to each month of the year. Then, within each month, there’ll be more Angels or Saints assigned to date ranges in that month. I know my December guardian angel is Hazkael (or something like that), and I’m sure somewhere in Heaven, he is right now listening to his subordinates on their attempts to help the helpless mortals (i.e. us) from driving themselves further into temptation or disasters. I’m quite sure that there’s some nameless Angel or Saint who is describing to Hazkael now how he prevented me from falling TWICE yesterday. I hope Hazkael asked him why he let me fall the other day in the parking lot. But at least he made sure that no one was around when I fell, so I forgave him for that.

God would probably have monthly meetings with his Saints and Angels too, in his boardroom in Heaven. I wonder what they’d talk about. Does Hazkael update him on his department client servicing activities? Do they talk about the issues in Middle East? Do they talk about how to warn people of natural disasters that are about to happen? Do they strategise how to ‘punish’ people by letting natural disasters happen so that they will repent after losing their family and material things? Do they discuss which soul is to be given to the fetus in a woman’s belly? Do they observe us and laugh at the stupid things we do?

I wonder too if these Saints and Angels fight each other and play office politics to get promoted. Apart from Lucifer, has anyone else been fired from Heaven? Do these Saints and Angels have lunches together? But being the immortal beings that they are, they probably don’t eat anyway. Do they have an annual dinner and dance? Sexual harrassment clause? Do they have a party when it’s Jesus’ birthday?

What I would give to be a fly on Heaven Inc’s wall. But that probably means I’d have to die first. Unless I can build a ladder to Heaven and spy on them myself without the inconvenience of death.